The Unimpressive Games

Welcome to the world's premier sporting event for skills that will never, under any circumstances, help you. Every day the Committee picks three tiny events. Everyone on Earth gets the same three. You get one attempt at each. Then there's a medal ceremony, with a podium, an anthem and a potato. TODAY'S EVENTS MIGHT INCLUDE • The Blind Ten: stop a hidden timer at exactly 10.00 seconds • Freestyle Circle: draw a perfect circle with one finger • The 30-Second Wait: do nothing for exactly 30 seconds, with no clock • The Half Pour: let go when the glass is exactly half full • Remember This Beige: memorise a beige, then recreate it from memory • Guess the Beans: count a jar of beans in under three seconds • Potato Curling: flick Gerald the potato up the ice • Don't Wake Gerald: hold perfectly still for eight seconds …and more, with daily twists like The Blind Seven, The Jaunty Angle and Beige…